So I’ve always been a huge sucker for latex dresses, which makes sense considering I’m pretty into all things BDSM-inspired. But unlike spiked chokers and fishnet tops, latex clothing isn’t easy to come by, cheap, or easy to take care of.

For my 23rd birthday (which was this past election day, FML), I wanted to rock something latex. Because I didn’t want to spend a ton of money, I first tried to fake it with a faux-latex (“wet look”) dress from Yandy.


I had my doubts about the fit (it was one size fits all), and I was right. But what was even worse was the fact that the dress was legit not shiny whatsoever. It was practically matte with random sparkles in it. Very sad. Not to mention that the bottom half of the dress was far too large on me.

I returned it (although I kept a bunch of other shit, including some sexy bodysuits that you can see on my Instagram), and accepted the fact that I’d have to pay the big bucks for real latex to get the look I desired. I splurged on a House of CB two piece set I’d been eyeing for some time, which was $225, but I rationalized with the fact that I could mix and match the crop top and skirt with other pieces in my closet and get my money’s worth.


When I opened the box (which was beautifully packaged, BTW), I got scared. The first thing I saw was a pamphlet on how to wear latex, how to put it on, and how to make sure you don’t fuck it up and are then unable to return it. The pamphlet suggested using lube to get the garment on, and urged that you use the palms of your hand to pull the latex onto yourself rather than your fingertips, which could leave marks.

Sufficiently intimidated, I let the box sit for a few hours before deciding it was time. But when I unwrapped the skirt and bra-top from the tissue paper, I was dismayed to see that instead of the bright red color seen in the photos online, the latex was a dull burnt orange color.

I tried it on regardless, hoping it would magically appear more beautiful once I put it on. While I didn’t need to use lube or baby powder to get the garment on (it was surprisingly easy to put on), and it fit decently well, I couldn’t get over that sad color.


I knew from reading the pamphlet that some latex needed to be “shined” with special latex polish, but I couldn’t see how I would ever get the color shown online. I emailed customer support, hoping for an answer, but all I got was them saying that there is fine print online saying the color may differ. Well yeah, no shit, but this was a huge difference.

If it was maybe $60 or something, I would have kept it. But I couldn’t justify spending so much on something that was falsely advertised and the color of bologna.

I’ve never ordered anything else from House of CB before, so I’m not saying that all of their clothing is disappointing in person (although I’ve heard of other friends of mine having issues with color), I think this is just a lesson that if you’re going to be buying latex, you should always buy it in person. Oh, and maybe grab some lube while you’re at it.