Self-care has turned into a commercialized excuse for going shopping. But, I think there’s some merit to it. Self-care is remembering to treat yourself, shower love on yourself the way you would on a partner, be patient with yourself like you would with a friend, etc., etc.
When it comes to pleasure, self-care means pleasuring yourself the way you would pleasure a lover. Pull out all the stops. Worship your body, set the mood (I know you’ve bought those expensive candles for #selfcare), and make yourself feel good.
And yet, while most of the women in my circles are happy to engage in casual sex with semi-strangers, so many of them are unfamiliar with the idea of having sex with themselves. But, that’s not their fault—it’s the patriarchy! So basically, in order to fight the patriarchy, I need every woman to buy themselves a sex toy. Or, for self-care purposes, whichever excuse sounds better to you. Here’s how to do it.
1. Analyze Your Orgasm
Think about the last orgasm you had with a partner (or if you’ve never had an orgasm, think about the last time you really felt good during sex). Was your partner sucking on your clitoris? Were you being penetrated from behind? Think long and hard (pun intended) about what kind of movements or actions your body enjoys. This will help you determine what kind of toy you may enjoy as well.
2. Do Your Research
Once you’re armed with the knowledge of what you like, it’s time to see what kind of toys can give you that pleasure. Here’s a rough list of four basic toy categories to start with:
Vibrators: For vibrational pleasure
This is probably the most common and popular toy category for people with vaginas. Some vibrators are made to be put inside of you, and some are meant to be held against your clit, nipples, etc. Many vibrators can be used on both areas—and you can feel free to get creative (a vibrator can totally double as a massage wand after a particularly grueling gym sesh).
If you like vibes, try The Bumpy Ride, $56 (USE ASHLEY 25 for 25% OFF)
Dildos: For receiving penetrative pleasure
While most women don’t orgasm from penetration alone, some do! Or, some women prefer both penetrative and clitoral stimulation to reach the big “O” (in my opinion, doing both helps mimic the feelings your body has during partnered sex). Dildos are a pretty basic sex toy if you want one that doesn’t vibrate. They also make double-headed dildos for double penetration, or you can try a rabbit vibrator (have you seen that episode of Sex And The City?) which is a dildo with an attachment that hits your clit effortlessly. Most standard dildos have a suction at the bottom, so you can stick it to your floor and get on top, or stick it to your wall and back up on it. This leaves your hands free for other fun activities!
If you like dildos, try The Semi-Sweet Tart, $39(USE ASHLEY 25 for 25% OFF)
Suction Toys: For clitoral pleasure
Do you get your rocks off the most when your partner is giving you head? Then you’ll probably want a suction-type toy that mimics the motion of someone licking or sucking on your clitoris. Some toys, like the one I’ve linked below, also have a penetrative attachment that you can choose to use if you’d like.
If you like clitoral sucking, try The Flick It, $71(USE ASHLEY 25 for 25% OFF)
Masturbator Cup/Strokers: For people with penises who like to penetrate!
Although admittedly, I’ve mostly written this article for the ladies, I won’t neglect people with penises! If you feel best when you’re sticking your junk into someone else’s junk, you should probably try a toy that falls in the category of masturbator cups/strokers. You might know these as “pocket pussys” but I hate that name and think it carries too much stigma—nobody should be ashamed about using sex toys!
If you like penetrating, try The Vortex(USE ASHLEY 25 for 25% OFF)
3. When In Doubt, Start With The Basics
If all of the toys I just listed made you even more intimidated, don’t stress. I think a vibrator would be a great starting point for any girl (or person TBH). Try this “Under the Radar” vibrator as a starter toy. While it’s designed for potential partner play (think the vibrating panty scene from The Ugly Truth), it definitely can be just as enjoyable with solo play. I think this toy is especially great for beginner’s because of the shape—you could totally just place this toy on your bed and then sit on it in whatever way feels good, so you can have your hands free! It’s also water-proof and designed to be discreet (aka quiet), which is always nice if you have roommates and prefer to play in the shower for privacy reasons.
4. Accessorize
Even if you’ve got a WAP, silicone and synthetic materials work differently in/on your body than human skin. If you’re dabbling in penetration (whether giving or receiving) you might want to purchase some lube. Warming lube is nice because sometimes toys can feel cold (since there’s no body heat behind them).
If you’re new to masturbating, or looking for a 2022 refresh to your routine, I think self-pleasure should be just as exciting as partnered pleasure. Buy yourself some fancy lingerie, nipple clamps, a silk robe, whatever will make you feel sexy and enhance the experience. You deserve it!
5. Try Things On For Size
Think of your sex toy journey kind of like your dating journey—you might deal with a few duds. You don’t have to commit to the first vibrator you buy if it’s way too intense for you. Feel free to try out different toys to see what your body responds to. Just because your best friend swears by one toy doesn’t mean it’s going to be a fit for you! If you’re still struggling to find what works, head to your local sex-positive sex shop (you can find one near you at progressivepleasureclub.com) and have an expert help you pick one out!
I hope this guide was helpful! If you have any more questions, feel free to comment below or shoot me a message! You can shop more gender fluid sex toys at evolvedworld.com!
Use coupon code Ashley25 for 25% off your first order from evolvedworld.com
Thank you to Evolved World for sponsoring this post!
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