It’s Valentine’s Day — what Valentine’s day gifts did you get for yourself?

Okay, but seriously. It’s obviously too late to be buying something for your girlfriend (unless you’re in a long distance thing and have some leeway on timing — buy your girl this stuff with rush delivery, she’ll thank you), so if you’re reading this you’re looking to buy yourself Valentine’s Day Gifts, as you should!

Whether I’m single or in a relationship, I always get myself Valentine’s Day gifts because I’m worth it!

And you are worth it too.

So, for every ugly stuffed animal and tragically basic Tiffany’s necklace an ex-bae got you, here’s some sexy lingerie, killer heels, and skintight latex that you’ll like much better.

Here are the 8 Valentine’s Day Gifts You Should Buy Yourself!

1. This O-Ring Lingerie

The Carrie Bralet in Red, $85, Dolls Kill  

The Sins Brief in Red, $65, Dolls Kill 

The only thing I hate about lingerie is I always wish I could show it off to more people, but this set is perfect for layering with mesh, fishnet, and more to make it work as outerwear. Or, maybe rock the bra under a suit for a dominatrix-CEO vibe? The opportunities are endless.

BUY IT HERE

2. These Va-Va-Voom Heels

Strappy Garter Heels, $35, Dolls Kill 

A pair of heels that’ll turn heads (and break hearts) for only $35? Sounds a little too good to be true, but maybe it’s love?

BUY THEM HERE

3. These Classic Heart Shades

Heart Shape Sunglasses, $4.69, Zaful 

I purchased a very similar pair of these at Warped Tour one year and wore them to death (literally — the lens cracked and I was still wearing them). I think it’s time for me to grab a new pair and for $5 I’m down to try these (even if I wouldn’t normally trust my face shape to buy glasses online).

BUY THEM HERE

4. Uh-Huh Honey

Ribbed Cropped Honey Embroidered Tank Top, $10.99

The perfect tank for summer day-drinking that’s not quite a going out top, but definitely NSFW either — especially if you rock it sans bra like I know I’ll be doing. Also only $10!

BUY IT HERE

5. Python Princess Platforms

Sweet Serpent B*tch Platform Heels, $39, Goodbye Bread

These are very reminiscent of Pleasers, but are a little more street-style worthy. The blush pink will basically go with anything and the snakeskin will add some sweet edge to any outfit. BTW, these also come in a hawt orange [BUY THEM HERE], but I thought the pink was a little more appropriate for Valentine’s Day gifts.

BUY THEM HERE

6. Sweet City Slicker Bralette

Vinyl Crop Top With Diamante Straps, $46, Jaded London

Black is totally acceptable for Valentine’s Day gifts — as long as it’s shiny and slinky. I personally don’t love the way this is styled on the model, but it would look great with a black skirt for a two-piece look, or a killer pair of flare pants. Or, you know, as a regular bra, but with more statement-making straps.

BUY IT HERE

7. This Bikini That’ll Have You All Tied Up

Braid Cutout Brazilian Bikini, $16.99, Amazon

Who said you need a man to tie you up? For under $17 you can tie yourself up and look hot af doing it.

BUY IT HERE

8. This Latex Dress I Need An Occasion For

                                                  Latex Rubber Back Zipper Mini Dress, $84.99, Amazon

Latex is so nice in theory, but not as nice in practice — or on my paycheck. I personally love Jane Doe Latex, but this dress that’s available on Amazon is tasteful and super cute. Maybe you have a better event to wear this to and I can live vicariously through you?

BUY IT HERE

Cover Image by @KD.Photo

So I’ve always been a huge sucker for latex dresses, which makes sense considering I’m pretty into all things BDSM-inspired. But unlike spiked chokers and fishnet tops, latex clothing isn’t easy to come by, cheap, or easy to take care of.

For my 23rd birthday (which was this past election day, FML), I wanted to rock something latex. Because I didn’t want to spend a ton of money, I first tried to fake it with a faux-latex (“wet look”) dress from Yandy.

I had my doubts about the fit (it was one size fits all), and I was right. But what was even worse was the fact that the dress was legit not shiny whatsoever. It was practically matte with random sparkles in it. Very sad. Not to mention that the bottom half of the dress was far too large on me.

I returned it (although I kept a bunch of other shit, including some sexy bodysuits that you can see on my Instagram), and accepted the fact that I’d have to pay the big bucks for real latex to get the look I desired. I splurged on a House of CB two piece set I’d been eyeing for some time, which was $225, but I rationalized with the fact that I could mix and match the crop top and skirt with other pieces in my closet and get my money’s worth.

When I opened the box (which was beautifully packaged, BTW), I got scared. The first thing I saw was a pamphlet on how to wear latex, how to put it on, and how to make sure you don’t fuck it up and are then unable to return it. The pamphlet suggested using lube to get the garment on, and urged that you use the palms of your hand to pull the latex onto yourself rather than your fingertips, which could leave marks.

Sufficiently intimidated, I let the box sit for a few hours before deciding it was time. But when I unwrapped the skirt and bra-top from the tissue paper, I was dismayed to see that instead of the bright red color seen in the photos online, the latex was a dull burnt orange color.

I tried it on regardless, hoping it would magically appear more beautiful once I put it on. While I didn’t need to use lube or baby powder to get the garment on (it was surprisingly easy to put on), and it fit decently well, I couldn’t get over that sad color.

I knew from reading the pamphlet that some latex needed to be “shined” with special latex polish, but I couldn’t see how I would ever get the color shown online. I emailed customer support, hoping for an answer, but all I got was them saying that there is fine print online saying the color may differ. Well yeah, no shit, but this was a huge difference.

If it was maybe $60 or something, I would have kept it. But I couldn’t justify spending so much on something that was falsely advertised and the color of bologna.

I’ve never ordered anything else from House of CB before, so I’m not saying that all of their clothing is disappointing in person (although I’ve heard of other friends of mine having issues with color), I think this is just a lesson that if you’re going to be buying latex, you should always buy it in person. Oh, and maybe grab some lube while you’re at it.