I know, I know, going on a first date during Covid sounds a bit like an oxymoron.
“But Ashley, the governor said we’re not supposed to leave our houses, why would we be dating?”
Well, you’re clearly following instructions, but many people aren’t. And for those of us who have been single during the entire COVID crisis, shit has probably been really damn lonely (or at least really damn horny).
Regardless of where you live or what the rules are, people are clearly still dating. Tinder and Hinge have seen an uptick in users and activity. In fact, Hinge saw a 17% increase in dates over the summer, which is pretty significant. For those who aren’t on Hinge, the reason they can track this is because the app asks you if you’ve met your matches, and if you respond “yes” then it knows you went on a date.
Just because people are still dating doesn’t mean people are dating in the same way they were pre-COVID. Dating activities are severely limited in certain states (including California, where we can’t even do outdoor dining anymore). And people seem much slower to meet someone IRL and much faster to “get serious” once they do meet someone they like.
If you’re still on the hunt for a Corona bae and haven’t had much luck, it might be the way you’re handling the first date during Covid. Here are 7 common mistakes I’ve seen people make when trying to date during our trying times, and how to do things better.
7 Common Mistakes To Avoid On a First Date During Covid:
1. Not making a plan
First off, this is a mistake that I’ve seen men make pre-Covid, but it holds even more true in our current times.
If you’re asking someone out on a date, ask them out on a date. Don’t ask them to “hang,” don’t say “let’s grab dinner” and then not make a reservation somewhere. Fully plan out the date, let the person you’re asking out know the plan (so they can let you know if they’re comfortable with it), and then proceed.
Of course, when you’ve been dating someone for months you can totally just meet up and see where the day takes you. But, on a first date during Covid (or during any time tbh), you have to realize that your date wants to make sure they’re not going to end up in an uncomfortable or unsafe situation (and keep in mind that uncomfortable and unsafe are based on their feelings, not yours).
You might feel totally comfortable at a busy restaurant, but your date might not feel safe being around big crowds right now. You also probably feel super comfortable in your apartment, but chances are your date will not.
If you want to up the chances that someone says yes to a date with you (or actually shows up), make sure to take the time and effort to make a plan and communicate that plan. If you don’t like assuming such a dominant role, give your date a few options (bitches love options).
Speaking from personal experience, a guy who doesn’t make a plan for a first date (or worse, make a half-assed plan and expects me to do the grunt work of finding a place, making a call, etc.), comes off as lazy, incompetent, or someone who just doesn’t give a fuck. And that’s not really the type of guy I’m looking to go out with at this point in my life.
2. Not setting a date
A funny thing that I’ve noticed happening during Covid is that we’re all suddenly so free that it becomes harder to set a time/date for a plan, and then things just never come together.
In P.C. (pre-Covid times), if a guy said “Want to do dinner one night this week?” I’d say, “Sure! I’m free Thursday night” because that would be the only night of the week I was free. Now, I’m basically free every night and every day (an exaggeration, but still), and so are lots of other people.
An unfortunate mistake I’ve personally made is that a guy will ask me out, tell me he’s free “literally whenever” and I’ll say “literally, same.” And then nothing happens because neither of us take the initiative to be like, “Oh we’re both free at all times? Great, let’s do something tomorrow at 3 PM.”
It’s possible that this flopped for me because I hate taking initiative in my dating life, and the guy assumed that me not taking his bait of saying “I’m down to hang at any time,” was a sign I’m not that interested. Regardless, you should take this as a warning to not let this happen to you!
Even though most of us have pretty free schedules, stuff comes up and most women (including myself) like to plan in advance if they’re going on a date (hello? We may have not showered in days?). So even if you both are “super flexible,” at least try to nail down a tentative date and time so that shit gets moving in the right direction, and so your date can make time to get cute.
3. Suggesting your house as a date location (even jokingly)
If you’re trying to get a girl to come over for straight-up sex and cuddles, just say that. Don’t try to play it off as, “Well, since there’s literally nothing else to do, I guess you could just come over to drink wine!”
First off, Brad, is there really “literally nothing” else to do? Or do you literally just want to get your D wet? Because chances are the girl you’re asking out has a few better ideas for a first date during Covid (and so do the rest of her Hinge matches).
I get that options are limited, and a take-out + Netflix date seems more reasonable during our stay-home times, but inviting a stranger to a house on the first date is kind of sketch, regardless of your gender.
To quote a Tweet I saw on my timeline the other day, “All these dudes inviting me over to their house on the first date…how do you know I don’t steal?”
Seriously, don’t even suggest your house/apartment as a joke because we all know you’re saying it half-seriously in case your date actually says “yes.”
4. Acting like it’s weird that a girl isn’t comfortable going to your house (even jokingly)
If you’re going to invite a girl over to your house anyway, fine. Hell, she might even go for it! I know girls who would be down, I just know that I’m not and this is my blog, so tough luck.
If you’re going to try to seduce a girl into showing up at your apartment during a national pandemic, don’t get weird if she rejects the idea.
Speaking from experience, the only thing weirder than a guy inviting me over to his place way too soon is him acting like I’m crazy for not being down.
“What? You think I’m going to murder you?” They’ll say, as if that isn’t exactly what a murderer would say…
Just kidding, I actually rarely think a guy is going to murder me. I just have been on enough dates to know that I’m not comfortable at a guy’s place on a first date because I always feel like they’re going to try to pull a move on me at the wrong time and I’m going to end up in an uncomfy situation. I’d rather reject a guy’s date idea over text than have to reject him when he’s forcefully trying to shove his tongue down my throat 🙁
Regardless of my personal preferences, if you’re a dude and you’re reading this, please remember that dating as a girl is legit kinda scary. We share our locations with our friends before going on dates, we have someone on speed dial in case you get too handsy, our guard has to be up at all times. Your goal is to make your date feel like she can let her guard down around you, and that’s not going to happen if you’re making serial killer jokes about her coming to your house. Respect her boundaries!
Oh, and one more thing, if you’re going to invite a girl over to your place, at least make some sort of “plan” so she feels like you’re putting the bare-minimum of effort in and knows what to expect.
Saying, “wanna come over, order sushi, and play Jenga?” sounds way better than, “wanna come over?” I get that you could have ordered sushi and played Jenga without saying it, but I can also guarantee your date is way more likely to say yes to the former question than the latter.
5. Trying to meet up too soon
Everyone has their own mental timeline as to when they think it’s appropriate to meet someone IRL from a dating app.
If you’re a straight, cis dude, yours is probably shorter than the girl you’re asking out. COVID has made these timelines longer for most people, because if we’re going to potentially expose ourselves to COVID, we want to make sure it’s worth it. Again, respect people’s boundaries and don’t be pushy. Send a few courtesy get-to-know you texts before getting all gung-ho on your socially-distanced date idea.
If you’re not a big texter, it’s become pretty common to do a Facetime date before the first date during COVID IRL. Which brings me to my next point…
6. Facetiming without warning
Listen, we’ve all seen Catfish and nobody wants to show up to a date with someone who looks totally different from their photos, but anyone who Facetimes without warning is a psychopath.
Most millennials don’t even make a regular phone call without texting “is now a good time?” beforehand because first off, we’re busy. Second off, we all have social anxiety. Third off, if a cute dude from Raya is about to see me on video for the first time, I would at least like to change out of my pajamas and brush my hair.
Just like a regular date, you should schedule a date and time for a Facetime date. Of course, you don’t have to stick to it exactly, but I think most women would at least like to make sure they have a little makeup on for their first time chatting with a potential boo.
7. Not clarifying your COVID-safety levels beforehand
I touched on this before, but I just want to reiterate that everyone has their own hypocritical COVID-safety standards. Just because someone is down to meet you for a first date during Covid, doesn’t mean they want you to take your mask off. But obviously, if you’re already on said date and you take your mask off, they’re probably going to feel too awk to tell you to put that shit back on.
My recommendation would be to discuss safety expectations beforehand so that things run smoothly and your date isn’t secretly judging you for wearing your mask under your nose the whole time.
That’s all for now, folks! If you find your prince or princess Charming during COVID, I applaud you. I’ll be over here having dirty dreams about the bald judge from MasterChef.
Photos by @moreirashots_
